Oh what time does for a person. It feels like I just moved to Philly. When I moved here I was a total mess…let’s talk about it!
Navigating Life with Kids Under 2
I came to Philly with a 2 year old and I was excited. I had just gotten engaged a few months before. I had lost my job due to downsizing. However I was so ready to start this new life. I had no clue that I had another baby on the way. I was moody and crying and chalked it up to being nervous. A few days later I found out that those nerves would be producing another baby and I wasn’t ready! So here was my life navigating with 2 kids under 2!
New Life? Thinking You’re Ready for Change and You’re Not
I was moving in with my Mother in Law to start this 5 year plan with my soon to be husband. Life was moving fast. Fact: I never shared with anyone that my fiancé and I had this 5 year plan so we would be debt free. However since I had lived on my own for so long living with someone else and an in-law didn’t mesh well with me. Read my thoughts on that here!
Life as a New Mom With No Support System
I had no support system here. I thought I didn’t need one. As I had the baby and life kept throwing blows I didn’t take care of me. Engulfed with a new baby and postpartum I was suffering in silence. I was being super mom taking care of this toddler and newborn. I wanted to do it all. I had a curriculum for them, schedule, and fun days! However as I was trying to be perfect in motherhood I was failing in my personal and romantic life.
Personal Failures: Drowning
As I drowned in my personal life I lost myself big time. I didn’t understand what was going on. I ate my way through the pain so I lost my “baby weight” only to gain it all back! As I described what I was going through people kept telling me to sleep. Sleep when the baby sleeps! However sleep wasn’t fixing me. As I outsourced to others and I asked around about counseling I was hit with so much negativity. So I was stuck. I was stuck between getting help or staying the same. One day at the point of losing it for real I went into a manic episode but this time in front of a friend, husband, Mother in Law, and my kids. It was that time I knew that even if I had to go see a therapist it was time.
Relationship On the Line
I was crushed when my husband I can’t remember if we were married or not; I would like to say we weren’t at the time confided in one of his boys that I was on medication. I felt like my relationship was on the line. It was something I hadn’t shared with anyone! I was hurt. To this day it’s caused a wedge with his friend who I assumed was the one on the other line. However where I am now I could see that what I was going through was a lot to take in.
Self Care and Selfishness
I always thought to be a mom self care was selfish. When my husband spoke to his friends and I took it personal it was more about me not reconciling my own issues. I’ve finally through therapy been able to forgive my husband. Forgive the situation as a whole. It took so much out of me to say I needed help. I felt like a failure because I needed medication. I I hadn’t gotten help I wouldn’t have been healthy mentally to this day.
Get A Life: Making Adjustments
One of the biggest adjustments from a small town to the big city is fun. There’s a lot to be done but you have to be around the right crowd. When I first moved down here I had NO life. I hated feeling like the only friends I had were an extension of my husband. I was about an hour to two hours tops from my parents and every fight I got into I went back to them. Every disagreement I didn’t want to face I was back on the road back to my family. So I had to get myself together. Therapy helped me to see things in its rightful place and separate myself from a small mindfulness. I also had to give living here a chance.
Blogging
So I started this blog 6 years ago. For the first 4 years of living here was balancing my children. Moving away from my Mother in Law and our family coming together being whole and happy was the focus for the next set of years. My husband and I had a lot of growing up to do. By the time the blog was off the ground I had new factors to contend with like working and being a mom, marriage, and getting back to me. I learned the city, went out and enjoyed myself, visited my parents as a way of seeing them and not just to run, and I was safely off my medication and able to breath for the first time. This is why I say that although I’ve lived in Philly for now 10 years I’ve seen the city like I do and it seems like it’s the first time I’ve seen Philly like I have these last few years.
Philly Jawn
One thing I’ve learned is the lingo. Jawn is a noun, adjective, pretty much everything. So my husband said as soon as I had been here for 10 years he would call me his Philly Jawn. So as we celebrate this milestone…that is what it is! I can’t believe to be honest that I’ve been here for so long. Philly has been great overall. I’ve had 2 babies here, Toitimeblog which now is a LLC is thriving, and I’ve come into my own. Therapy has helped me along the way to walk in who I am. I’ll also be celebrating my 40th birthday this year. I met my husband when I was 18 and I had to grow up with him and to be in this city holding my own, this is major!
Thankful
I’m grateful for the friends I’ve met. I’m grateful for building this little family of ours. I’m grateful for the woman that I have had to grow into. My hometown of Lancaster will always mean the world to me. Philly is definitely the city that made me address myself. It wasn’t easy. I cried. I wasn’t always thriving! Although I highly doubt we will live here forever as I see life moving us along our journey, one that is for certain Philly is the City of Brotherly Love. It has welcomed me even when I didn’t want to settle down here. Philly showed me how much of a grown woman I am. I’m thriving here! Here is home finally!
So tonight my husband has some surprises for me. I’ll circle back and share! Philly Philly I love you!! One thing that my husband and I have been doing which keeps our marriage fresh and fun is celebrating big or small celebrations! So we will celebrate this.
I’m a Philly Jawn!!
