Triggers

So this week I have experienced some triggers. Without me going into detail but also give you enough to be vulnerable that yesterday was a day. Now I know you read my Wednesday check in right? That was my day before the trigger. Why am I telling you about it? I have some lessons I want to share with you.

Triggers Happen For Many Reasons

When I would experience a trigger in the past I would allow it to overtake me. I am talking about a full on adult tantrum. My emotions would get to me and I wouldn’t recover. Not that I couldn’t recover-I chose not to do so. This sent me and my family into weeks of recovery. I have talked about this many times in my postpartum depression with What to Expect. Now that I understand myself a little more, let’s talk. Triggers don’t matter if your business is doing well. It doesn’t matter if you’re all over the place experiencing great things. It happens to all of us. The reason I am sharing this is simple. So many people see things or people online and think they don’t have a regular life. We do-just like you.

Why Triggers?

Since going to therapy I know that I was diagnosed with anxiety, and situational/reactive depression. This means that the depression is a built up. Sometimes you can see it coming or it is a slow build. For me it’s usually a slow build. I treat this by being as transparent with myself, husband, and therapist as often as possible. I have a plan in place of small things I can do either when I notice it or when a blow up happens. For me, it is usually something external that happens that reminds me of something that has happened in my past. So if for instance a situation that mimics insecurity of some sort will send me over the edge. If things start to happen like a whirlwind I will get scared that more is on its way. I am aware of myself for the most part. If you have a trigger or something that sets you off-get familiar with yourself.

How Do I Handle Triggers?

I am usually trying my best to get over them as fast as possible. I called my therapist this morning and I told her that the issues that arose from this trigger I didn’t want to put a bandaid on it. She gave me some things to do. I will share once I enact them. In the past here are a few things I have done. FYI this doesn’t mean it will work for you. Just something to consider.

• Sit in my car and cry or scream it out
• Take a walk or some other movement
• Write in my journal
• Talk to my husband who is familiar with my triggers
• Call my therapists
• Attempt to separate fact or fiction
• Get quiet and process on my own
• Listening to certain upbeat songs after listening to a inspirational song that helps me
• Find an activity that I love

What are some of the things I don’t do:

• Self Harm
• Blame Others
• Drive or Remove myself in a unsafe way
• Call my friends-sorry I love them but they are not a safe space for me in those moments-if your friends are a help please call them
• Don’t go to bed-that makes the trigger longer-if its bed time journaling or doing an activity I love before bed helps

Self Care during a Trigger

As much as people glorify self care its important. I have a baseline that I will keep intact during a trigger. I must eat and drink water. Often times until I am fully calm down I will take away all wine and alcohol. This is important. I don’t want to shield myself from feeling the pain that I am in. Masking it only delays my healing. Also I write in my journal the phrase, “this trigger is not a setback its a part of life.” I have said this often, dealing with anxiety or any other mental health is a part of life. Having the tools to get better will not stop or eliminate them from happening. Often times I do not call my friends during this time because I don’t see them as a safe space.

Know yourself During a Trigger

This may sound harsh but unless someone you call has the tools to help you, or is someone who can be a space of calm-don’t do it. So they are a safe space in general but doing a trigger I can’t afford a delay in healing by talking to anyone without the tools to help. This is knowing yourself, and being honest instead of trying to seek help where there isn’t help. I am not interested in bandaids like I was in the beginning. When you know better you do better and that means being honest about your circle. Do not dump on people who aren’t capable of holding space for you in the way you need it regardless of their relationship to you.

My friends are supportive and I love them, but after talking to my therapist many years before we came to the conclusion that this wouldn’t be a place of support during the triggers. I may talk to them about it afterward but not during. My triggers of the last few years since postpartum and therapy have been so mild. I am grateful. However in it, it feels overwhelming. So if you choose to speak to others during your trigger be careful. People mean well but certain words that are used during a trigger can be damaging.

Help During a Trigger

Although my husband is aware of my triggers and is a safe space for me now, I do the work. It’s up to me to do the work to come through it. For instance, this trigger was about less than a day. However the concerns that have come out are going to take me some time to weed through. Every trigger is a lesson. You learn more about yourself during on. So be careful who you have in that space during your most vulnerable. You can love those around you, but not everyone is equipped to get you through them. Have a plan in place. It should be tangible things you can do immediately before a trigger hits. My therapist made one and it does still work for me. Even if the trigger is small, call your therapist to let them know what happened. This is a great way to revise a plan and more. I am grateful for the trigger. It may sound weird but life happens. Having the tools, plan, and love to keep on going is real.

Take a deep breath, this is a temporary issue, it feels overwhelming-acknowledge it, and work your plan-you aren’t alone!