ToiTime

Mental Wellness and Self Care Queen

Well I’m back at it.  Yesterday I took a complete and full rest day.  I went to work and handled my responsibilities but I basically came home and did minimal work and relaxed and slept.  I needed to catch a few little winks of shut eye.  It’s been tremendously crazy these last few weeks and there’s no real stop in my life anytime soon.

So I wanted to make a special thank you to the followers that I met at the Ben and Jerry’s free cone day.  I really had a great time and wanted to thank all for donating to Operation Understanding.  I believe without knowing the numbers for both locations that they at least hit their goal.  It was really a lot of fun and I met a lot of colorful people who came out-some more than once in the line but it was all good!  So now that I am icecreamed out….

So now the topic on hand today is simply about the amount of folks getting exposed using the Internet.  We got Lebron James and Shannon Brown getting caught up in the DM.  It really does go down in the DM.  If you don’t know what the DM is, that is direct messaging and that can be done through FB, Twitter, Instagram pretty much all other social media has one.  This is where you can move from public messaging to full blown private messaging. Now men have been getting caught cheating since Jesus was a baby, but now we can screen shot and expose more and more.  I really don’t know why high or low profile folks try it but its the quickest way to end a relationship.  Now I’m the type of wife that if you slide in my DM I will not only check you but slide the message to my husband.  Why?  I have not one thing to hide.  I’m okay with men trying to holla cause that’s what they do, but I do not and will not disrespect my marriage so best belief he can see anything that is going on.

Now I have been asked this off of the ToiTime forum what I would do if I found out my husband was in someone else’s DM.  I’m not really sure.  In my I know he didn’t mode I would be super pissed and ready to file but the reality it matters is how far we talking.  I’m not the type of wife that makes excuses for men behaving that way.  Contrary to popular belief I will not drag another woman before I deal with my husband.  I never understood why women get the woman first.  I get it you felt disrespected but didn’t you feel it more with the man that made the commitment?  Before I drag another woman I’m dealing with it in home first and with my husband who took vows.  Now you can get over and through anything.  You have to be clear within yourself what your deal breaker is.  Everyone doesn’t have the same level or degree of what they find to be hurtful enough to walk away. The only thing I can tell is if you give a man another chance and he breaks it after you cried and died about the disrespect and you stay in the words of my 2 year old, that’s on you. Now that doesn’t mean in ANY way that a woman should be lied to, disrespected, or cheated on.  I know how readers like to run with words.  What I am simply saying is don’t measure your issues with your spouse or significant other against that of your girlfriends. Have your own mind of what you will accept but be woman enough to know if you accept it and don’t end it the bad behavior will continue.

I hate to see any marriage end because of infidelity or even the appearance of it.  Let me talk about the appearance.  We all know the Shaggy song “It wasn’t me.”  Let me tell you none of what he said would fly with a real woman.  So if you see it, got proof of it, hear it, and know within yourself the man of your dreams is cheating, as hard as it may be to accept it, accept it.  Never go to a man and have him come up with a game plan.  Process in your mind what you are going to do and then come to him with a plan.  Do you think that man is going to be like hey I cheated, I’m sorry now I’m fine of course he is.  If you aren’t going to forgive him at least for now, or make him work for it, or end it, tell him.  We allow the man to sweet talk and what’s the point when next week he will be doing the very same thing again.  Get you some standards and end the nasty back and forth that’s going to happen.  Men this isn’t to say we don’t have women in the DM pushing up on married men or committed men because we do.  It don’t matter what side of the fence you are on, do the right thing.

If you are in a committed relationship do your part in cutting the very appearance of infidelity off.  Ask yourself if your wife was doing what you are doing would you be okay with it?  We know to some they gonna keep doing it no matter what but the reality is whatever you feel comfortable doing to another person than don’t be mad if your significant other does the same on you.  We have to understand that Karma that girl don’t miss.  She serves everyone what they deserve.  It’s too many other women and men who are looking for faithful folks to keep dealing with unfaithful ones.  The biggest issue for me is that you not only disrespected me by sleeping with another person or entertaining sleeping with another person but you have the ability to put me at risk.  If you got to the point in your relationship where it didn’t serve you anymore, you fell out of love, if you were friends first could you look at your friend know you could have exposed him or her to a STD?  If yes you got more problems than my little blog can fix.  If you do, why allow one night even with a condom on to potentially cause harm to them.  You do know that there are some sexual transmitted diseases that only need you to expose skin to cause damage. So miss me with the at least I wrapped it up. They don’t have condoms that’s covering balls and every fluid that can be exchanged. Stop it.  So to my men and women in the DM, don’t let what goes down in the DM come up and take you out here on Earth.  You will lose it all playing with fire!!  How about water the garden you got.  Oh and to my single folks that use it be sure that if you send a message regardless if you are cheating or not that you are okay with it being shown to anyone, nothing is private these days so keep it classy. Have more game offline than you do online and you may not necessarily need a DM.

 

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