ToiTime

Mental Wellness and Self Care Queen

love

Love is what we are in need of. Happy Sunday. It’s been quite a few months since I came to you with a Sunday message. Life has been on full speed. I want to get back to keeping certain elements the same. I believe we all thrive with consistency. So with that being said unless something life changing comes up we will be keeping in line with the things that my blog has been known for. Today’s blog is all about operating in love. We all say that we do but honestly if we took a real assessment we may find that we are truly lacking.

love

Operating in Love and Hate

You can’t operate in love and hate at the same time. For instance I have been taking stock of my relationships. When we say that we love someone the way in which we carry out that love matters. If I am constantly talking about someone I can’t love them. Please do not hit me with that age old lie that you’re simply talking about the situation and not the person. Listen, as a PK (Preacher’s Kid) I have heard that lie since I was a kid. It ain’t hittin like people thing. You aren’t operating in love. I personally dislike when there is a group situation and someone brings me information about another member.

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Please do not do that under the guise that you are just keeping it amongst us. People as individuals deserve to be loved and respected like the next. So with that being said, let people tell their own business. Loving someone and operating in love means that even in your frustration you want what is best for them. So you conduct yourself keeping them in mind. Also listen to this past Friday podcast about friendships.

True Assessment

Ever think you love someone or are in love? You miss a lot. This means that you seem to look past their faults and see their needs. When you find yourself fault finding it may be that your love meter needs adjusted. For instance my husband and I do a check in. It usually happens when we are having our toughest argument. The reason is the desire to finger point is the heaviest. The things that we have forgiven could be coming up because things aren’t resolved or it could be that we haven’t moved ahead as much as we say. The check in includes a real assessment. I or he may ask for a truth talk.

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The truth talks means come raw but not with judgement. Come prepared to listen and give space. No cell, no distractions and let’s find a plan. If one or more isn’t being heard, let’s take the moment to listen as if the other person’s concern is our own. We are more quick to hear us than someone else. Approach as if this was you and place yourself in the other person’s shoes. Now that truth talk we also extend to our children too. Apply it to your areas. This will determine your real love meter. Do you really love or are you being tolerable?

Love doesn’t Hurt

October is domestic violence awareness month. Most of us if not all of us know that love doesn’t hurt at least on paper. But how often do we say we love but operate in hate with our words. It’s not okay to simply think that as long as you aren’t hurting someone with your fist that its okay to hit them with your words. Going below the belt, commenting on physical attributes, saying things about a loved one’s family or friends these examples aren’t walking in love. So how you can change your words? Be honest. Cruel words are mean. Stop saying to yourself that you are simply responding to other’s behavior. Take ownership in that you may be reacting but it’s in you to react. What I mean is that you wanted to say what you said. If you are mean admit it.

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I watched a friend of mine berate her husband for years. It didn’t matter if it was in front of his family, friends, and at home. Now how can you love your spouse but treat them in this manner? Many people do it.

As we start out this Sunday and this week-assess your love for those around you. We talk about racism and it’s wrong. It’s rooted in hate. However as much as we know that we still make reasons as to why it’s okay in certain circumstances. We know better. It’s wrong and not filled in love. Love doesn’t allow you to condemn someone based on skin, religion, and sexual orientation. Many will get up and worship at the church of their choice. Bring back real church in our hearts by leveling up how we move in this world around others. Don’t forget the biggest love of loving self. Some of the most hateful love comes from lack of self care.

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