ToiTime

Mental Wellness and Self Care Queen

So I was listening to Steve Harvey show yesterday when I heard the strawberry letter about a wife that is no longer washing her behind. Now I have personally answered I think at least 2 Ask Toi about non washing spouses and now I got to turn this into a blog because I got questions. The first thing that came to my mind was what in the unholy hell is this foolishness?  Why is this a thing?  Why is this okay?  Did you need someone to tell you to wash your behind?  Why are you out here smelling like garbage cans?  Is this the new cute? I will stay ugly than because this can’t be life.

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How are you grown regardless of your marital status and decide to say hey, I am no longer interested in washing?  Now you know how I feel about depression.  I know its real.  I have suffered from it from a time or two so I can easily see how someone can let “themselves go.”  My issue is that it’s not my place to judge how long you stay in depression, there are many suffering for years.  However there is always one issue.  Unless you have the ability to get a check from somewhere and you NEVER have to leave your home and you decide to wash and you don’t live with others than a strong MAYBE this would be okay.  However if you have to be next to, talk to, interact with, etc with other humans, washing is non negotiable.  You don’t get to decide you just taking a washing break.  Washing is like 1st nature.  It’s not natural to be out here smelling like 3 weeks ago.

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Remember the days when you were a child and you could get away with stinking or maybe you didn’t even have a strong smell back then, we talking like under 5?  Those days are long gone.  Now a days 7 year olds need deodorant.  So as an adult you can’t sink wash your life away.  You need to dip your entire body into some water, wash all the necessary parts and make sure they are dry.  We can’t forget the drying part.  Listen these are things that somebody’s momma should have told folks.  However the more I keep reading advice for it, further tells me someone is missing the memo.  If you don’t know how to properly take care of yourself ask someone you trust.  Start with a doctor.  But the excuses has to stop.

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Now for couples married or not what makes you think someone wants to get close to you smelling like 2 days ago? No one.  We can keep it real and say you ain’t gonna smell like cherries everyday but your base line should be clean.  You should have more days of smelling good than not.  If you are experiencing a health issue than its YOUR responsibility to take care of it and find a way to get it back to a normal level.  Intimacy is a beautiful thing but trust and believe it can be soured by unsettling odors. Please stop putting your spouse in the way to tell you that you smell.  They love you.  They don’t want to hurt your feelings.  They are lacking words.  However like my mom taught me and it’s true, you can smell you.  You know you need to dip back in the water.  Get in the water and make magic happen.  This concept that a man or woman just needs to love you no matter what is cute in theory.  However on planet reality if after you smelled you, after I spoke up, after I encouraged you to get help, maybe even went to the doctor with you and you STILL out here musty and not caring, than its time to re-evaluate.  This means that no matter how much help you have you aren’t going to change.

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I can’t understand why you would want to be funky and unwashed but whatever this epidemic is it needs to stop.  Hygiene is important.  It shows how much you care about yourself let alone others.  I can attest you wasn’t out here funky when you was out here trying to get a man or woman.  So once you get them you can’t get too comfortable.  This leads me to my last part of this washing conversation.  We all change.  We get over weight, we lose hair, we lose a lot because life happens.  What shouldn’t be lost or I should say stay lost is the love you have for yourself.  If you put energy into your life you will reap that. Some people are giving out energy to everything but them.  How can you be 100% to someone else and be unwilling to be that to yourself?  You will never be the best mom, wife, husband, father, worker, etc if you don’t learn to make you a priority.  So in reality what you are giving out is a fraction of the potential that you have.  Care about yourself. Love yourself and wash.  This foolishness of unwashed adults has to end today!!  Step it up or be prepared for someone  to rightfully walk away.

 

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