Happy Wednesday. I hope that this midweek has or will bring you joy. Today is the day after Valentine’s Day and it may be filled with a lot of mixed feelings. For instance, if you celebrate the gifting of gifts, experiences, and more for Valentine’s Day and felt disappointed in some way, I am sorry that you feel that. It’s okay to feel. From self love and self care doesn’t take away the desire to have companionship. So let’s dive in.
Wednesday Mental Health Check
I want to be candid as I always am about mental health. Over the last few weeks I have been dealing with depression. Many would argue that I look happy on the outside. For me it comes in waves. I am a diligent woman so many times my life is organized to the point where things take care of themselves. However the feeling of not wanting to get out of the bed, withdrawing from others, being increasingly irritable, sad, and overwhelmed are all real symptoms that I suffer from. I am back in therapy but that is not an easy fix. I will be meeting with my doctor to discuss more options next week. If you are feeling like this but you “look” happy the best thing to do is be honest.
Do not let this thought that you must appear a certain way take over your mindset. This ideology that you must be performative in order to get things done. I had to be okay with a few things not going well. Also allowing me to sit in quietness as I journaled and more. For me who is always on the go, I was grateful for those calming days even in the uncomfortableness. So do not pretend to at least yourself you are okay. Get whatever tools you need-therapy, self care, acupuncture, seeing your doctor; all of the tools and use them.
What I do on Low Days-Wednesday Honesty
On low days as I have been experiencing is writing down how I felt. The other day I was so drained I laid on the couch and couldn’t move. It was during the day where I had a boat load of things to do. I felt guilty. The tiredness came over me. I took a nap. Now not everyone can do that. However I had many media events over the weekend and I needed that rest. On low days I do not drink alcohol or drink anything with caffeine including teas. It’s important not to make myself pick up with these items. I also regulate my emotions by doing an activity called real or imagined. I write down how something is making me feel and dissect if its real or imagined. This is all after allowing myself to feel down.
I also joined a support group that is online. We do virtual meetups. It helps to be in a safe space discussing my issues with people who understand it. I love my family and friends but I don’t want to defend my feelings to them all the time. So this is a great way to help. It’s also ran by licenses therapist that give us all at least one thing to try as we heal. I love the suggestions and they are truly helpful.
Valentine’s Day Aftermath
When I was growing up I watched my parents gift each other. It didn’t matter if they had been married for 20 years. I learned as I grew that I too for one love all holidays. I am the person who decorates their Christmas tree for every holiday. So as a holiday person I also love the flowers, gifts, and more. Some of my friends in their relationship don’t necessary do that. I had to learn that I can’t model my likes after my parents or my friends. My husband and I have always celebrated holidays even in college. I can tell you everything he bought me or experiences we have had around Valentine’s Day. So for those who love it-it’s okay. For those who don’t it’s okay too. Just be honest with yourself and do what works for you or as a couple.
Today is ‘single awareness day.” I hate this day and I am not even single. People don’t need a day to remember singleness. You see it when you go out, at home alone, or simply existing. This day in my opinion was a day to bring another level of pain. There are women and men who may not know that they are a side person until today. Do we have to make it a day for to hit them harder? So many people lie to side pieces making them feel as if they are the main until they realize they aren’t. So if you are single I am sorry that there are days like this even in existence. I hate that married people act too like they aren’t aware of how hurtful it is to have single people have their singleness thrown in their face too.
Back to Media Events
I love breaks. I add breaks into my schedule often. Without breaks I would experience burn out. Burnout mixed with depression feels so much worse. This is why I know that on days where I do not want to be performative I have plenty of content that I can showcase or simply not post at all. With me also having media breaks this helps me to continue love what I do. Tonight’s media event is a new chef in residency at Volver. As always I will report back. Over the weekend I did a meet up with one of my besties to a wine tasting at Vintner. If you haven’t gone you need to make your plans to go to Vintner’s Table. In addition I am attending a play with Wilma Theatre called Kiss. I will review that by tomorrow morning since I believe it ends over the weekend.
So a deep dive into my mental health. Loving the trek back to therapy, journaling and making my doctor’s appointment next week will be the focus. Making sure I eat well, limit alcohol intake doesn’t mean not having any it. For me on days where I feel my lowest, I purposely do not drink or have caffeine. This ensures that I am not self medicating myself in a negative manner. This works for me. I encourage you to do the same. Drinks or drugs will not help you to feel your best. It makes it worse. Take care of you.
