5 Practical ways to navigate family dynamics during the holiday season

October is here and so does the need to be intentional with your time and resources. This is the drive from holidays into the end of the year rush that we all feel in one way or another. With that in mind, here are some things to consider for your mental health and wellness. So on today’s blog I am equipping you with how to prepare for family dynamics.

All Family isn’t blood

So many people, especially those who consistently deal with family dynamics that are less positive to understand the notion of this.  When you prioritize family based on title and that dynamic is stressed the loneliness of not having the structure and support you need can become stress. When you look past the need to have family be blood related and look for the family that you are creating it may feel a little less performative to attempt to deal with.

Family stress as we gear into this season isn’t something that I haven’t covered before. These are real life stressors. Many people tend to deal with whatever comes their way because they are conditioned to believe that there are no other options. You do have options. Here are 5 ways you can help with family dynamics that help your wellness.

Limit your Interactions

This is the best way if you are still trapped in not releasing the family members altogether. Also limiting your interactions allows you to control the amount of time you spend. If you’re not aware you can be loving and limited. This means that you leave early or arrive late. Have a code word with those you come into the event when you have reached your threshold. All of this makes sure that when your visit cup is full you can leave.

Lower your expectations

What we think may or may not happen is not enough to go into things with a plan of action. This is a fantastic way to not tell yourself that you must be performative. For instance, when I am around my dad’s side of the family lately it has been great. Years before I would have been triggered by some of the family memories that come up. So, I would stay around now I should have used the first recommendation of limiting my time. My expectations were that it would be different. 

It wasn’t. After I leave, I will be upset about looking for different expectations. When I lowered my expectation of knowing who and what I would encounter without being a doomsday moment I enjoyed the company.

Create a personal pause moment

You take a walk or sit in the car for a little bit to gather your thoughts. Or you text a friend who understands so you can debrief temporarily. You could do as I said earlier a plan to leave. Be prepared for some push back. If you leave early, you may hear comments about how you are too good to stay. Also if you come late, it will be that you didn’t value family time. It may be hard but take it in and leave it there with the person who stated it. You don’t owe anything to anyone. Protecting your peace even from the folks that feel as you if you aren’t owed is key.

Set emotional boundaries early

You know the drill. An aunt is going to ask about your marriage or a relationship in general. If this bothers you have a plan to be gentle but firm that you won’t be discussing today. Same goes for the talk of children whether here, desired, or not. You are grown. The engagement of sensitive topics is up to you. Instead of allowing the conversations to spill over, take control of them early but knowing your limits. You can’t get mad if you don’t set the boundaries within you first. Refer to the other methods above after you do and they aren’t respected. 

Post Visit Recovery Plan

So, for me my husband may speak in code while we ride home. Most of the family on my side reside at least 1.5 hours away. Once we get home, unpack the car, and get the kids to bed is when we debrief over a glass of wine. We have been doing this for years. He tells me any issues he’s seen and then I do the same. The plan remains the same for his side of the family too. We utilize the code word for an escape plan for both sides as well.

The two of us or if I have traveled alone, will then find a comedic show or movie to take the strain of the heaviness of the day. All these things are ways to process interactions. 

Family dynamics are a lot. We love the family that we come from and do our best to give the same courtesy to those we are married into. However, since I have kids, I will never allow the family I made to be disrespected by the family I came from. My husband feels the same. If you are single with no children that is okay too. Don’t let the family you come from disturb the new peace you worked hard for either.

This season I pray you find joy with family and friends. Be real with yourself when it isn’t there. Set the tools above to help navigate what your interactions will look like.