Happy Monday. Let’s talk about setting hard boundaries. If you are new to boundary setting it can be difficult to hold your ground sometimes. It’s very common in the beginning to flip flop in boundary setting. However for today we are going to take a look at how effective boundaries can be. April is National Stress Awareness month and setting boundaries helps to lessen stress in many areas.
Boundary Setting for Beginners
If you are new to this, it’s okay. You need to understand your why in setting boundaries. What is your goal in boundary setting? Keep that always in the forefront of your mind. If setting boundaries helps you to have some peace, it’s important for you to set them as early as possible. Emotional peace is a great reason for setting boundaries. Emotional boundaries help not only to guard us, but it also helps you to place stops and pauses that are necessary in your life. If you find yourself in the beginning flip flopping-take a deep breath and set the boundary again. Reinforce your why.
Why Setting Boundaries is Necessary
In a lot areas of our life we need to set boundaries. From home life, extended family or friends, work, or commitments set the boundaries. Too many times the stress that we feel is because we try to do all these things on our own or take more than we need to do in order to make other people accept or like us. We have learned during these two years that to come from this as “life opens up” and allow the same behavior from ourselves or others isn’t okay. So set the boundaries.
Boundaries and Likeability
You aren’t going to make everyone happy in your boundary setting. Know this and understand this. You need to be clear in the fact that others will try your boundary. People say they like change but many are not equipped to handle it. It’s okay that you or others are uncomfortable. Only change that boundary unless it benefits you. Making change for others that isn’t comfortable to you will not stay in your life. So be clear that you don’t owe comfortability to others. For instance at work, set your schedule. Make it clear what you are available. Many jobs are understanding how the work life balance has to be top notch or they will lose valuable workers. Too many opportunities are becoming available to continue to deal with bad managers and more. FYI most people leave their jobs due to management.
Your Why and Respectability
In this world of respectability politics, there are many who use what they believe to be respectable behavior as a means to hold people down. Sometimes what seems right may not also work for real life. For example, its taboo to talk about Mothers being just as deadbeat a some fathers. However the many moms (not all) who leave their kids for men, abuse, berate, and more. Once a child becomes of age and decides they no longer want a working relationship with their biological Mother, they are told “you only get one.” No one disputes that you only get one Mother. Is it important to have a fake likeability relationship with outsiders at the expense of your mental and emotional health? The answer is NO but in reality people want you to mean YES.
Yes to bad behavior. Protect the bad Mom because it makes those looking from the outside in-uncomfortable. So you have to sometimes place a boundary on access to others. Stop giving people access to you. Be choosey with your access. There’s room to bend in all situations but again if its a bend that’s beyond helping you become a better version of yourself-don’t do it.
As you start your Monday, take complete control of the narratives that surround your life. There are many times that we get frustrated or mad over things that we can take more control of. Set your schedule. Be clear on your availability to others. If you can’t accommodate someone, be clear. Let the ones who want something from you but aren’t able to meet you half way be big mad. They will adjust. They also could do undermining things and become passive aggressive. In doing that, they reveal that your relationship was built on what you can do for them and not mutually beneficial. This could open the door for you to keep them at distance. Happy Monday!
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